Wo aik larki thi....Waise he aam se larki jaisi sub hoti hain...rangon ko dekh ker khush honay wali....titliyon k peechay deewana war bhagnay wali...Chand ko pehron takna aur us say batain kerna ...Barish hoti tou geeli mitti ki sondhi sondhi khushboo apnay banjar khushq man angan main utar lainay wali...phoolon ko dekh ker pagal ho janay wali...khushboo se pyar kernay wali...Khawab dekhnay wali aur phir in khawabon ko orh k so janay wali.....wohi aik aam si larki...
Usko her cheiz se pyar tha siwaiye apnay... Na janay anjanay main apnay ap se kia bair laga bethi thi... Khud ko zik pochanay ka koi moqa na janay deti thi...Wo dosron se badlay na lainay wali... apnay ap se badlay nikalti tou jano usay na aisa kernay per dukh hota na takleef...
Wo aksar sochti k log aisa kyoon kehte hain k mausam insano per bhi asar andaz hota hay... Jab bahar barish barasti aur piyasi zameen sairab hoti tou us waqt bhi us k dil main pat jhar ka sa saman hota... Aik he mausam teher gaya ho jaisay....
Wo larki main thi....
Dil k darwazay ko her rishtay per waa ker dainay wali... Khaloos o mohabat jis ka moal tha bas...Na ziada chaha ... Na he karobar kia ...Na tijarat ka socha ... Main tou bas beloos mohabat lutaye gaye...Us mohabat main mAin nay apna ap gawa dia...Aik he zindagi thi usko bhi Dao per laga dia... phir jab hosh aya tou... dair ho chuki thi...bohat dair...her taraf khoon he khoon tha...aetibar ka...pyar ka...rishton ka...Her chehra jab benaqab howa tou mujhay ahsas howa k yahan sub apni zaat ka saath nibhate hain...Businessman hain saray...Mufadat ko mad e nazar rakhnay walay...kab kisi k howay hain...
Ander he ander tootnay ka amal roz hota...aur phir youn howa k main thak gai...Itna thak gai k main ne apnay is oversensitive dil k ird gird sakht foladi devar ka hisar bana lia...NO IN NO OUT...aur main pather si ho gai...jaisay her ahsas se aari... mujhay jeenay se khauf anay laga...log kehte hain meray ander se ab tak bachpana nahi gaya...main sun ker hans parti hon...
inhain kia maloom main tou kab ki usi manzar main tehri howi hon...Jab aagahi aye aur rishton k roop samnay aye...
Phir youn howa k saaye ki talash main kahan ja ponchi... Faraib khati gai muskurati gai... Main lakh koshish kerlon main ab kabhi kisi per bhi trust nahi ker sakti... Sub apnay apnay tareeqay say khail khailte hain...kabhi jazbat se kabhi ahsasat se ... Rooh koi nahi parakhta ...
Main nay duniya ko jo dia wo mujhay wapis mila ya nahi .... is say ab mujhay koi saro kar hay bhi nahi... Main khud apnay ap main jeenay wali khawabon ki bastiyan sajanay wali... phir wapis loat aye hon apni duniya main...Mujhay duniya se der lagta hay...isi liye main nay ankhain mondh ker Khawabon ko orh lia hay...k ye khawabon ki duniya bahar ki duniya se lakh darjay behter hay...yahan roz mera qatl tou nahi hota na...
Pather bana dia mujhay ronay nahi dia...Heeray ko agar sahi tareeqay se tarash kharash na ki jaye tou wo bhi apni aab o taab kho daita hay....Shayad main ab chahon bhi tou jeenay ki taraf loat k nahi asakati ...mere ander kuch mar sa gaya hay... mere andar aik saf e matam si bichi rehti hay ... apnay app ka ghum manana bohat mushkil hota hay... bohat mushkil....
Fehmida Chaudhary
12th july 2012
Usko her cheiz se pyar tha siwaiye apnay... Na janay anjanay main apnay ap se kia bair laga bethi thi... Khud ko zik pochanay ka koi moqa na janay deti thi...Wo dosron se badlay na lainay wali... apnay ap se badlay nikalti tou jano usay na aisa kernay per dukh hota na takleef...
Wo aksar sochti k log aisa kyoon kehte hain k mausam insano per bhi asar andaz hota hay... Jab bahar barish barasti aur piyasi zameen sairab hoti tou us waqt bhi us k dil main pat jhar ka sa saman hota... Aik he mausam teher gaya ho jaisay....
Wo larki main thi....
Dil k darwazay ko her rishtay per waa ker dainay wali... Khaloos o mohabat jis ka moal tha bas...Na ziada chaha ... Na he karobar kia ...Na tijarat ka socha ... Main tou bas beloos mohabat lutaye gaye...Us mohabat main mAin nay apna ap gawa dia...Aik he zindagi thi usko bhi Dao per laga dia... phir jab hosh aya tou... dair ho chuki thi...bohat dair...her taraf khoon he khoon tha...aetibar ka...pyar ka...rishton ka...Her chehra jab benaqab howa tou mujhay ahsas howa k yahan sub apni zaat ka saath nibhate hain...Businessman hain saray...Mufadat ko mad e nazar rakhnay walay...kab kisi k howay hain...
Ander he ander tootnay ka amal roz hota...aur phir youn howa k main thak gai...Itna thak gai k main ne apnay is oversensitive dil k ird gird sakht foladi devar ka hisar bana lia...NO IN NO OUT...aur main pather si ho gai...jaisay her ahsas se aari... mujhay jeenay se khauf anay laga...log kehte hain meray ander se ab tak bachpana nahi gaya...main sun ker hans parti hon...
inhain kia maloom main tou kab ki usi manzar main tehri howi hon...Jab aagahi aye aur rishton k roop samnay aye...
Phir youn howa k saaye ki talash main kahan ja ponchi... Faraib khati gai muskurati gai... Main lakh koshish kerlon main ab kabhi kisi per bhi trust nahi ker sakti... Sub apnay apnay tareeqay say khail khailte hain...kabhi jazbat se kabhi ahsasat se ... Rooh koi nahi parakhta ...
Main nay duniya ko jo dia wo mujhay wapis mila ya nahi .... is say ab mujhay koi saro kar hay bhi nahi... Main khud apnay ap main jeenay wali khawabon ki bastiyan sajanay wali... phir wapis loat aye hon apni duniya main...Mujhay duniya se der lagta hay...isi liye main nay ankhain mondh ker Khawabon ko orh lia hay...k ye khawabon ki duniya bahar ki duniya se lakh darjay behter hay...yahan roz mera qatl tou nahi hota na...
Pather bana dia mujhay ronay nahi dia...Heeray ko agar sahi tareeqay se tarash kharash na ki jaye tou wo bhi apni aab o taab kho daita hay....Shayad main ab chahon bhi tou jeenay ki taraf loat k nahi asakati ...mere ander kuch mar sa gaya hay... mere andar aik saf e matam si bichi rehti hay ... apnay app ka ghum manana bohat mushkil hota hay... bohat mushkil....
Fehmida Chaudhary
12th july 2012